You know in Muppet Treasure Island where they sing that song about cabin fever? That is how I feel right now. I have not been outside the house since I got home Tuesday afternoon. I lied. I walked out on the porch to see if the flag was down on the mailbox. Other than that I have not left this house.

As part of this chemo thing, my immune system is more vulnerable. There are all kinds of rules. Don't be around sick people, don't be around kids they are germ buckets, don't go where there are lots of people, don't eat main street deli (not that i could stomach that right now), don't get sick, la la la. Bah. That means I can't go to the mall. Too many people. I can't go outside and hang around my river because its wet and cold. I can't go visit my man, they won't let me drive that far and evidently schools are teeming with germs that are just itching to launch a guerilla attack on my body.

I thought I was going to be granted a small bit of freedom yesterday when mum said she was going to Findlay to get a few things. She asked me when I could be ready then said I was only allowed to sit in the car. Yes, brilliant. Offer to take the involuntary hermit, who desperately needs to escape this house on a weekly if not bi-daily basis even in a healthy situation, to Findlay then tell her she can't get out of the car. Then change your mind and say JoAnn Fabrics is ok because there aren't that many people there, knowing that the entire, lame Findlay Mall including TJ Maxx will be calling me the whole time I am "safe" in the germ-free crafting bubble that is JoAnns. No thank you. I would rather stay at home and enjoy solitude than sit in the car or be beckoned by the rest of the mall.

So where does this leave me? At home. And I don't want people visiting me. Its just...no. I know people mean well, but it feels terrible. I complain about loneliness, but maybe thats what I want. I don't want sympathetic talk on the couch. Shit, no. I have had enough of that couch. I want to go out. I want to go to a concert. I want to goof off in a grocery store. I want to vandalize things. I want to go shopping in Columbus. I want to go on a road trip. Something.

On a more positive note, I am very nearly finished with my Halloween costume. Its looking pretty kick ass if i do say so myself. I shouldn't say anything, but it went so well (this is where I think i am supposed to say "knock on wood" but i never really understood the point of that). I hand sewed a lace panel and ribbony trim down the front of my bodice and i love love love it. Yesterday I chopped up the neckline of a black see through top and took about a million hours to make about 5 or 6 feet of tulle ruffle to go around the neck and another million hours to stitch it on by hand. But I put it all on and it looks lovely. With black wig and make up I didn't even recognize myself in the mirror. Short, light red hair and minimal/no make-up to dark bob, heavy black and red makeup and I looked like one of those poor little goth girls that gets her picture taken in ironic places like a field of flowers. A secret part of me would love to dress in big swooshy skirts with crinolines and lacey corsets all the time. But that would get pricey. But it would keep me busy for a while.

But now I have Daniel to work on. His costume I mean. Vest time. That should be interesting. And putting new sleeves on a shirt. New sleeves with big, pretty cuffs. Cuffs with buttons. That will also prove to be interesting. Now if only I had remember this earlier. Then I could have snuck out of the to the disease-ridden, germ-pooly heaven that is Goodwill.

Right well i just went and made a cup of tea and completely lost my thoughts.

But i think this cup of tea was worth it.




"We are just like you, really. Except for we listen to Cradle of Filth."